So... you didn't give your nanny a holiday bonus?

It’s December 27^th and morale is askew in the nanny community. It’s hard to scroll through any nanny forum without seeing a post that is ranting or raving about holiday gifts and bonuses. Posts advising about the “holiday bonus season” were a dime a dozen leading up to the holiday season and I hate putting out content that is repetitive, so I refrained from writing my own article. Now that the holiday season is passing, I'd love to address a few holes in the articles I've read- and toss my opinion out into the universe. I've only ever wanted to save humans time, money, and frustration, trust me, this advice will save you all three. Bear in mind, I see a unique side of this industry.

‍Raw advice from the owner of a nanny agency: work this bonus into your overall budget for your childcare. It’s a necessary expense. Unemployment is at an -ALL TIME LOW- and A LOT of notices are going to be put in come next Monday. Nannies are a in a niche market and supply/demand is currently creating a seller’s market. Please keep this in mind and cherish the nanny you have. Don’t lose them through hurt feelings or a misunderstanding around the holidays. The nanny forums are running wild with discussion about lavish gifts, cash bonuses, and generous PTO packages- and nannies are gauging their worth and your level of appreciation based on what they received this year. Many aren't even conscious they are doing this- but it's hard not to—the power of the internet is real.

Losing your nanny due to low morale around the holidays is PREVENTABLE.

‍Here’s my justification for this:

• This isn’t just an employee. This human (your caregiver) is inside your habitat and home. Your nanny loves your children. They are your right hand. A hired parent and teammate. They are the keeper of your littles while you’re at work. There is a trust and bond between you that, quite frankly, you don’t want to mess with or upset. The delicate balance within this relationship is important.
• Nannies often tie this holiday bonus to performance, love, and appreciation. Don't fault your nanny for this- fault this consumer holiday season. The psychology of gifts and bonuses is really interesting. Here is a great article on this from Psychology Today: The Psychology of Christmas Bonuses.
• They (oftentimes) deserve it. This job is hard. It requires a lot of patience, love, attention to detail, and sacrifice. Caregivers sprinkle a little extra on top of everything they do because they are working with kiddos. Being paid to nurture of exhausting, hard work and its very important work.
• Whether your nanny is willing to admit it or not, they look forward to some form of acknowledgement around the holidays. Many age-old traditions to blame here. Blame Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, industries, consumerism, you can even blame some faiths... but don't blame your nanny. Access to information and the power of comparison impacts us all every day.
• It’s not worth stressing about having dropped the ball. For a small investment of time, energy, and money-- you get the peace of mind associated with having put in the effort to love on someone who loves on you and your kids. You cared for your caregiver. Seize this opportunity. Set aside some time on your calendar and purchase a gift. There also a ton of yummy subscriptions, food delivery sites where you can have a yummy treat sent to your nanny from anywhere in the US, and flowers are always thoughtful.
• While they may not say anything to your face about the lack of acknowledgement during the holidays- trust me, they feel it. Our agency sends a little questionnaire to the nannies who are working with our clients and we ask about their love language. Interestingly, there is an option for “Gifts” and “Cash” on the questionnaire. More nannies check “Gifts” than “Cash”. A lot of nannies also check “Words of Affirmation”. Nannies tend to be very thoughtful individuals themselves (professional nurturers that they are) and it’s always nice to be remembered.
• A little goes a long way with regards to feeling appreciated. You will feel the passive aggressive aftershock in your home if you drop the ball over the holidays- which is likely why you’re reading this article. Venting usually happens on private forums that you can't see- and there are nannies in the global community that perpetuate comparison and will encourage your nanny to quit if they weren’t acknowledged during the holiday season. Knowledge is power, and I’ve just shared with you a glimpse into a world you haven’t seen. Glassdoor provides this sort of insight for corporate America; nanny forums provide this insight for nannies. Glassdoor works to satisfy curiosity and wouldn’t exist if people weren’t curious about what others are getting paid and how they feel about their employers.
• You’re setting an example for your children. Likely, your caregiver gave your little ones a present. Many nannies also ask for gifting ideas for their bosses. It is always nice to teach children that real joy is in the giving, not the receiving. Ask your little ones what they’d like to get their nanny and help them shop for the perfect thing. My personal favorite this year: a child (B9) told me his nanny would love a purple sloth stuffed animal. The nanny’s favorite color is purple. Their favorite animal is a sloth. Now- will they love a purple sloth stuffed animal? Yes. It's thoughtful. They'll likely cherish it the same way you cherish a macaroni necklace your child makes you in preschool. Your kiddo picked it out for them and it's truly a piece of treasure. This thoughtful gift paired with a bonus and a small gift from you is 100% perfect.

So, let’s pretend you dropped the ball this year and your nanny left on Friday the 20th with no bonus, no gift, and you’ve got a pit in your stomach about it. Something inside of you propelled you in the direction of Googling articles on nanny bonuses. Call it… intuition. Perhaps your nanny has even just shared this article on her Facebook wall. Where do you go from here?

Your options include:

• Venmo. Add a little holiday emoji. Shoot it over and call it a day. Link a bank account and avoid fees. Many are asking me how much is appropriate to give. Industry pros are saying 1-2 weeks of pay is the average, and when we polled our clients recently, they agreed. Honestly though, not everyone can offer this and that’s ok. You probably already have a number in mind. Trust your gut!
• Cash. Put a little cash into an envelope and leave it on the counter. It only stings for a moment. Then the holiday spirit fills you with joy and you feel… lighter.
• A gift is a guess, albeit, a thoughtful one. I strongly advise capping your spending here. A nice little something + an envelope of cash can go a long way. Include a gift receipt if you opt for a more expensive gift, sans cash. This is showing follow-through. You're not psychic. A gift is a guess, and sometimes guesses miss the mark. Give the recipient the ability to take the gift back and exchange it.
• Give her a few days of extra PTO for self-love and care. This is a perfect option if your budget is tight this year. There is a common misconception that every family who employs a nanny is running a multi-million-dollar household. This simply isn't true. Plenty of families who are not in the 1% employ nannies and not everyone can afford to give their nanny a lavish Christmas bonus and gift. This extra time off is a great tradeoff and shows thoughtfulness, care, and effort.
• Frame a picture of the kids + have them write a heartfelt note. I highly recommend pairing this with a little cash in an envelope. One without the other is kind of like giving someone a toy without the batteries.

Do NOT, under ANY circumstance, do the following:

• Scratch your name off a gift card given to you by your completely spacey and socially awkward boss at the company Christmas party and put your caregiver’s name on the card. Nannies KNOW when you do this. I’m telling you- they know. Hell, your mother even knows when you do this. If you do regift a gift card, make sure the recipient will use it. Don't give your vegan nanny a gift card to the Honey Baked Ham Company (seems extreme, but it's happened-- ha).
• Do not follow a year with a bonus with a year without one unless you’re willing to address this head on. Maybe your financial situation has changed. Maybe they have been bonused in other ways this year. Please communicate about this. Nannies will wonder if you’re upset, if they’ve underperformed, or will have concerns about their job security if this goes unaddressed. It’s not worth the stress this causes your nanny.
• Don’t justify giving your nanny NOTHING for the holidays because they are underperforming. Pick another time of year or take it up in her performance review. This backfires in the worst ways and morale will only get worse. Who loses when morale is down? Your kids. If your nanny is underperforming- give a holiday gift or bonus and begin looking for a new nanny- or better yet, address this with your nanny and try to offer insight that improves morale. If this isn’t achievable, adjust expectations or move on- but don’t take it out on the holiday bonus. You may find yourself with a 2 week notice and rushed to hire a new nanny at a very slow time of year in the industry (plus, did I mention this is a seller’s market?). As an agency who wants every hire to be intentional, we don't want you forced into a rehire because of poor timing on your part.
• Don’t avoid eye contact until February and not acknowledge the pink elephant sitting in the middle of your living room. If you do this, I can promise there is a high likelihood your nanny has approached an agency like ours and is actively interviewing for another job. Be warned. In every relationship, avoidance can be detrimental. Feedback on this blog has shown that nannies are actually very understanding if you tell them you've had a hardship this year and can't do much for the holiday. They get it. It's ok. They love you and your children. They just want acknowledgment and communication if this is the case. Awkward as it may be, just be open about the situation and tackle it head on.
• Give your nanny a regifted present of the not-so-great variety. I promise, they know. If your toddler didn’t tell her this ("Grandma gave mommy that underwater basket weaving class and mommy gave it to you!"), they can feel it when they lift the package or see the words on the gift card.
• Give your nanny an insulting amount of holiday cash. If your nanny's gas stipend is $50/wk, it’s probably safe to assume you should give more than this as a holiday bonus. Many will push back on this point and say, “a bonus is a bonus”, but come on. We had a situation one year where a client gave a $10 Starbucks card. The nanny’s yearly income was in the $50-60k/yr range. The nanny had gifted each child in her employer's family a special and very thoughtful gift- easily adding up to $50+ in expense. A $10 Starbucks card shows a lack of awareness on the employer’s part. Now, I will say, coffee gift cards are great and are very appropriate- it's gasoline when it comes to parenting, but just make sure the amount on the card reflects your appreciation appropriately.
• Justify giving no bonus because you didn’t get a bonus. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Did you WANT a bonus, Frank? Would it have helped you out tremendously? Would you have felt more appreciated by your employer if you got one? Do you want us to write a blog to corporate America’s executives as well? Happy to- but first, cut your nanny a bonus and acknowledge her financially during the holiday season. Change starts within us all.

If everyone would just sit for a moment with your eyes closed and breathe this article in- the nanny community would be a better place come January 1, 2020. If the nanny community is a better place, and nannies feel recognized, included, and appreciated- the children of the universe are arguably happier and more well-rounded individuals. So, in an effort to start the New Year off in a positive way- please accept that this article isn’t an attack on you. It’s not here to shame you. It’s not here to start an argument. It’s a little insight into a very niche-y industry.

*Update: after this was floated around the web for a bit- we received feedback that nannies are seeing themselves as "entitled to their employer's wealth". I don't think this is the case with every nanny, but please keep in mind that your nanny is working in your home. They see the priorities you have as a human. They see where you spend, who you hire, how many you hire, how you source, and the quality of the items in your home. I don't think there is a feeling of "entitlement to your wealth" as much as there is an "awareness of your wealth". This just feeds back into the overall point of the article- these gifts and bonuses are relative, but make sure your treasured employee/family member/keeper of the littles/teammate feels appreciated and acknowledged by you and your family during the season of appreciation and awareness.*

Joy and love to all. Happy New Year. To those who needed to read this today, you're welcome. We love you.