Como se dici… amore? How to say, show, & give love to your favorite nanny.

How do you say… love? Not only in Italian, but in your day-to-day. We’re borrowing ideas around Dr. Chapman’s theory of the five love languages to share some ideas of how you can show appreciation and love to your favorite nanny.

The language of love isn’t just for romantic partners. Understanding and speaking a person’s love language is important for all relationships, whether it be with your kids, co-worker, or nanny. We all show and receive love in different ways and it can change throughout our lives or depending on the day. Maybe yesterday you needed a hug and today all you really need is for someone to take the trash out without being asked. Love isn’t always a candle-lit spaghetti dinner under the stars… although many of us wouldn’t say no to one. Love can be shown and felt in all kinds of ways, but for the sake of organization we’ll start with these from Chapman’s five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

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Words of Affirmation | If you feel it, say it! Words of affirmations are verbal or written expressions of warm, fuzzy feelings and gratitude. Here are some ways you can do this for your nanny:

• Say thank you every day. At the end of each day, it’s super meaningful for you and the kids to end the day by saying “thanks for a wonderful day.”
• Write a thank you note or letter. Write down all of the ways they add value to your lives and the traits that make them so dang lovable. Get the kids involved in sharing something they are grateful for or love about their nanny.
• Know dates that are special to your nanny and recognize them (their kids’ birthdays, their wedding anniversary, their “got ya day” for pets, etc.).
• Spread the word about how awesome your nanny is. Social media appreciation posts are a great way to share some recognition (make sure you're still minding your NDA).
• Give your nanny photo-credit. Planning to post that perfectly adorable picture your nanny shared with you? Give them a shout in your caption thanking them not only for that incredible photo, but also the genuine smiles on your kids’ faces.
• Acknowledge the extra effort they put in on particularly tough or busy days. “Thanks so much for your flexibility today. It really means a lot.” “Thanks so much for working so hard on the laundry. I know there was a ton this week!.”

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Quality Time |  Intentional, distraction-free time together or time for themselves to recharge and reconnect with their own lives is super important for those with this love language. Here are some ways to show your QT nanny some love:

• Give them the morning off to grab some extra ‘zzz’ and snag their favorite breakfast before heading into work. Not only will they be super grateful, they’ll also be well-rested and ready for the day!
• Mornings are tricky, we get it! Maybe try an early afternoon. This extra downtime is just as appreciated and will give your nanny time to run some errands of their own or take a well-deserved nap.
• Talk to your nanny about something other than the children. Get to know them outside of their role in your home. What do they like to do on the weekends? What are they working towards? Did they recently start watching a new show?
• Invite them out with your family and include them in special celebrations like kids’ birthdays. This means the world and makes your nanny feel like a true part of the team. It will also give you some time to get to know your nanny on a deeper level and vice versa.
• Give them their birthday off to enjoy with their own family and friends. Bonus points for a special treat or gift for them to open on their special day!

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Physical Touch | Physical touch really just means sharing space and being close. Of course, let’s be consensual, but if your nanny’s love language is physical touch here are a few ideas for how you and your family can support that:

• A friendly hug from you or your kids. Simple and sweet, and sure to increase oxytocin.
• A high five on the days they crush (so maybe every day?).
• Saving a seat when you’re all out together, whether that be a spot on the picnic blanket or a chair at the pool. Making space for your nanny to be included in the setting will make them feel like not only a respected adult, but a valued part of the team.
• A fist bump in the morning to start the day.
• Make up a “secret” handshake that only your family and nanny knows.
• Massages are a GREAT gift. Spa experiences are coveted gifts in the nanny community. Wanting to give an incredible holiday gift or nannyversary present? Spa treatment works like a charm!
• Zeel memberships! Have you heard of this amazing company? Masseuses come straight to your home (ON DEMAND)! A membership is a great way to say thank you!

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Acts of Service |  No doubt your nanny gives this love language to your family each day. Why not return the favor? It may look a little something like this:

• Create a space for them in your home to store their things, whether it be a hook for their coat and bag, a spot in a bathroom for toiletries, or a drawer to keep an extra set of clothes (they are around kids all day and anything can happen). This gesture is sure to make your nanny feel right at home. Plus they’ll have an extra stash of anything they may need for the day.
• Let your nanny know from the beginning what’s available to them in your home. Sometimes “help yourself”  isn’t always clear. Be sure to let your nanny know up front they are welcome to a snack, coffee, or whatever it may be throughout the day.
• Keep some of their favorite snacks stocked. Piggybacking off the last suggestion- keeping their favorite bar, fruit, or brand of seltzer on deck is a great way to show your nanny you are thinking of them.
• Gift them a house cleaning or car detailing. Especially if your nanny is driving your kids around in their car, chances are they have no shortage of leaves and goo in their seats. Plus, who doesn’t love a clean house and vehicle? This one explains itself.
• Bring them their favorite coffee or a special treat to enjoy during their down time.
• Offer to pay for continuing education or a membership to a professional organization. This is truly a win-win! Not only do they get to build on their skills and tools, you and your family will also get a taste of this new knowledge. Plus it will be a great way for them to network and even make a new friend!
• Make an extra serving or two of a dish they like and send it home with them for dinner or let them know it’s there for lunch the next day.  If you’re no cook, that’s okay! A to-go order at a restaurant they like is also a wonderful idea. The gift of food and not having to prepare it is simply perfect and always appreciated.
• Add them to your neighborhood club or gym membership. They’re always in your neighborhood anyway. How nice would it be for them to be able to pop in before or after their work day!

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Receiving Gifts | Receiving gifts goes beyond the gift itself. People with this love language really and truly value the thought and intention behind the physical objects. Be sure to really think about your nanny and what they enjoy or need. Listening to their words and getting to know them (quality time helps out with this one!), you can get a sense of what types of things would be meaningful for them. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune. Gifts can take all shapes, sizes, and price ranges. Here are some examples:

• Buy them lunch, especially if you’re already getting yourself something.
• Money! A surprise bonus is always fun. It’s like finding money in your coat pocket, but better!
• Buy them flowers or a fun, potted plant to brighten up their space. There are a ton of local florists and nurseries that do a great job of making all sorts of arrangements for any budget.
• Help your kids make a gift for their nanny. Whether it be blueberry muffins or a paper mache cat, a gift from the kids is sure to pull on the heart strings.
• A spa day gift certificate for a massage, manicure/pedicure, or facial. Or make your own pamper kit with bath salts, body scrub, and a fancy candle for in-home pampering.
• Nanny-gear like a fun park bag, pretty picnic blanket, or lunchbox. #NannyLife
• Put together a collage of photos of your nanny and children to highlight all of the special moments together. This is a fun trip down memory lane for you as well; all the proof you need to know you made the perfect choice!
• Any small item that made you think of your nanny. If you’re out and about and see a cute trinket, small frame, or anything else that reminds you of them, pick it up. You don’t have to wait for the holidays. “Just because” is the perfect reason!
• An experience or a  lesson to something they are interested in.  Whether they love yoga, musicals, hockey games, improv, or the movies; tickets, lessons, and class passes are a wonderful and waste-free gift.
• A gift card to their favorite restaurant or store. If shopping isn’t your thing, gift cards are the perfect gift. Chances are whatever they buy with it, they’ll think of you each time they use it.
• Pay for a streaming service (Hulu, Netflix, Spotify), an Amazon Prime membership, or their favorite magazine subscription. What a great way to share the love and take a bill off their plate.
• Raises are the best. They’re particularly important on your Nanniversary and when there is a significant change in the position (ie: new baby, a new big duty like family meals, etc).

Knowing someone’s love language isn’t a carnival game where you can take a wild guess, and the love language a person gives may be different from the one they wish to receive. The best way to know for sure is to simply ask. If they don’t know, try taking a quick, free quiz online to get a sense of what it may be. Maybe you can both take it and share the results. This can be a fun way to get to know each other. You'll learn a little about them, and may even learn something about yourself!

Have some great ideas we haven’t mentioned yet? Share them with us! We would love to hear and share all the ways you tell your nanny, “ti vogliamo bene.” Ciao!

Written by: Kristin Sarmiento Geary (2022)

Edited by: Austin Macfarlane (2022)